Finding Balance in the Aftermath of a Natural Disaster

Japan’s catastrophic quake, tsunami, and nuclear reactor meltdown have people across the globe feeling great concern, sadness, and compassion for the people of Japan. Numerous organizations are helping out and many sites list how we can help. http://mashable.com/2011/03/13/japan-earthquake-tsunami-help-donate/ Our friend Tamami Kumagai, who traveled from Japan to Portland, OR, one year ago and became a trained GC facilitator, was in the midst of a Girls Circle session when last week’s quake occurred. She posted on our FB site how frightened the girls were. We are thinking of Tamami, the girls, and all of their families and friends during this very difficult time.

Back here in North America, the internet, facebook, twitter, television and radio provide constant updates on the situation. But with so much troublesome news, far beyond normal human experience, we can  become overwhelmed by the enormity of the situation. Children, teens, and adults are all vulnerable to becoming anxious, depressed, or triggered by such wild and random destruction.

How do we maintain compassion and care and yet have balance to prevent overwhelm or anxiety?

The National Institute for Mental Health  http://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/go/information/get-info/coping-with-disaster/coping-with-the-stress-of-natural-diasters identifies a number of steps adults can take to care for their children and for themselves.

Among these, three stand out as most important:

First, for children and adults, limit the amount of exposure to the disaster images. Children, especially, do not yet have sufficient capacity to tolerate the visual and auditory recordings of people and animals in distress. It’s important for adults, too, to be careful with the amount of these images being viewed. Our brains are designed to seek safety and survival, and are highly attuned to danger. For individuals and families who have previously endured sudden disasters, losses, or traumas, viewing of events such as this past week’s quake and tsunami can be troubling and taxing to the brain and nervous system.

Second, involve yourself, your loved ones, and your circles in positive activity. This can be anything from participation in raising funds to send to the international assistance organizations, to simply playing games together or going outside for walks in nature, getting creative in the kitchen or reading inspirational stories. The important task here is to intentional involve your mind, body, and spirit with something that has positive value and requires your focused attention. Positive activities promote positive neurochemical activity in the brain and body and replenish stressed minds and bodies. The Dalai Lama http://www.dalailama.com/messages/articles/counter-stress frequently states that an important task for humans is to cultivate a positive mind in order to reduce stress. In other words, we must often be proactive creators of positive experience in order to access the benefits.

Third, stress, overwhelm and anxiety are normal responses to abnormal circumstances. Natural disasters may or may not impact everyone. But for those who do feel anxious, talking helps. The fears, concerns, grief, or anxiety may affect everyday activities and relationships, and can be alleviated for many through sharing feelings with a friend, or within a circle of caring peers. In addition to talking about feelings and worries, it can be helpful to share stories of hope and recovery.

Take care,

Beth

//

Inspiring Work in Minnesota – Video

Twin Cities Public Television broadcast a piece at the end of September called Next Steps: Committing To Community which focuses on restoration and reintegration as it relates to the criminal justice system. Jason Sole is one of the featured child advocates and ex-offenders in the film.  Jason also works for the Girls Circle Association as a Boys Council Trainer.  His voice is a strong addition to this inspiring piece about the work being done for positive change within and around the justice system in Minnesota.

WATCH VIDEO HERE: http://www.mnvideovault.org/index.php?id=20811&select_index=0&popup=yes

If you’d like to learn more about Jason or contact him directly please visit his personal website here: http://www.jasonsole.com

Happy Holidays!

– Moorea (Training Coordinator for GCA)

Mother Daughter Music

Music soothes the soul, cures the blues, energizes a room and inspires greatness… so it’s important to us at The Girls Circle Association to bring stellar music mixes into our trainings.  Kitty Tyrol, the Senior Training Manager for GCA, has offered to share the play list that she uses when training the Mother-Daughter Facilitator Training.  Is there a song that you’d like to hear at a training? Comment below with your song ideas. Happy Holidays!

SONG TITLE	ARTIST	ALBUM
Redemption Song	Angélique Kidjo	Oh Happy Day
Sedjedo (Featuring Ziggy Marley)	Angelique Kidjo featuring Ziggy Marley	Djin Djin
Precious	Annie Lennox	Diva
Why	Annie Lennox	Diva
It’s O.K.	BeBe & CeCe Winans	Different Lifestyles
I’ll Take You There	BeBe & CeCe Winans	Different Lifestyles
Wind Beneath My Wings	Bette Midler	Beaches (Music from the Motion Picture)
My Mother’s Eyes	Bette Midler	Divine Madness
God Bless the Child	Blood, Sweat & Tears	Blood, Sweat & Tears
Grazing in the Grass	Boney James/Rick Braun	Shake It Up
Cry on My Shoulder	Bonnie Raitt	Nick of Time
Nobody’s Girl	Bonnie Raitt	Nick of Time
Sara Smile	Boyz II Men	Throwback Vol.1
Sittin in my Room	Brandy	Waiting to Exhale
It’s Going to Take Sometime	Carole King	Carole King: The Ode Collection
Hurt	Christina Aguilera	Back to Basics
Reflection	Christina Aguilera	Mulan (An Original Walt Disney Records Soundtrack)
Beautiful	Christina Aguilera	Stripped
Teach Your Children	Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young	Déjà Vu
Free (Album Version)	Deniece Williams	The Best of Deniece Williams: Gonna Take a Miracle
You Gotta Be	Des’ree	I Ain’t Movin’
Life	Des’ree	Supernatural
Superwoman	Dionne Warwick, Gladys Knight & Patti LaBelle	Good Woman
Mercy	Duffy	Rockferry
Devotion (Live)	Earth, Wind & Fire	Gratitude
Oh Happy Day	Edwin Hawkins Singers	Good Morning Vietnam – A Soundtrack to the 60’s
From Where I Am	Enya	The Memory Of Trees
Hope Has A Place	Enya	The Memory Of Trees
On My Way Home	Enya	The Memory Of Trees
True to Myself	Eric Benét	True to Myself
Change the World	Eric Clapton	Clapton Chronicles: The Best of Eric Clapton
Save the Children	Everette Harp	What’s Going On
Here Comes The Sun	George Benson	The George Benson Collection
Save the Children	Gil Scott-Heron	Pieces of a Man
Make Yours a Happy Home	Gladys Knight & The Pips	Claudine (Original Motion Picture Soundtrack)
Promises	India Arie	Acoustic Soul
Strength Courage Wisdom	India Arie	Acoustic Soul
Beautiful	India Arie	Acoustic Soul
You’re Beautiful	James Blunt	Back to Bedlam
Surrender	Jane Monheit	Surrender
Só Tinha de Ser Com Você	Jane Monheit	Surrender
Where Is the Love?	Jesse & Trina	Dead Presidents
I’m Sensitive	Jewel	Pieces of You
Let Me	Jill Scott	Timeless
At This Point In My Life	Tracy Chapman	New Beginning
Brown Eyed Girl	Van Morrison	The Best of Van Morrison [Mercury]
Exhale Shoop Shoop	Whitney Houston	Waiting to Exhale
Don’t Cry Baby	Queen Latifah	Trav’lin’ Light
Dear Life	Anthony Hamilton	Step Up (Original Soundtrack)
Keep Your Head Up	Chaka Khan	Madea’s Family Reunion (Music from the Motion Picture)
Dirty Little Secret	Sarah McLachlan	Afterglow
Angel	Sarah McLachlan	Surfacing
Full of Grace	Sarah McLachlan	Surfacing
What I Am	Edie Brickell & New Bohemians	Shooting Rubberbands at the Stars
Miss Independent	Kelly Clarkson	Thankful
Strength Courage Wisdom	India Arie	Acoustic Soul
Ain’t No Mountain High Enough	Marvin Gaye and Tammy Tyrrell
Hope	Faith Evans & Twista	Hope – Single
I Hope You Dance	Lee Ann Womack	I Hope You Dance [Single]
My Mother’s Eyes	Bette Midler	Divine Madness
Baggage	Mary J. Blige	The Breakthrough (iTunes Version)
This Woman’s Work	Maxwell	Now
Ay Yo	Melanie Fiona	The Bridge
A Mother’s Prayer	Melissa Manchester	When I Look Down That Road
Pride and Joy	Stevie Ray Vaughan & Double Trouble	The Real Deal: Greatest Hits, Vol. 1
You Are the Sunshine of My Life	Stevie Wonder	Stevie Wonder: The Definitive Collection

Sexually Charged Pop Culture Permeates an Ever-Younger Demographic – Part Two

Welcome to the second part of this discussion on the oversexualization of our youth. Check out Tuesday’s post for background on the topic.

We can’t know how these specific girls feel about it. But let’s remember that the name of the song is “Single Ladies” and here is a sample of some of the lyrics:

• If you like it than you better put a ring on it, Don’t be mad once you see that he want it. [Twice during the dance they point at their ring fingers.]
• You decided to dip (dip) And now you wanna trip (trip) Cause another brother noticed me I’m up on him (him) He up on me (me) Don’t pay him any attention
• I got gloss on my lips (lips), A man on my hips (hips), Hold me tighter than my Dereon jeans
• Here’s a man that makes me then takes me and delivers me, To a destiny, to infinity and beyond

In my experience growing up in the 80’s I understood what “sexy” felt like at a pretty young age. And as we all know, media representations of girlhood (toys, tv, film, advertising) are being sexed-up at a younger and younger age. So while these girls are amazing athletes, I just can’t believe they think the dance is as innocent as ballet. There is absolutely no shame in them executing this dance, but I question the adult choreographer.

So what effect do sexualized portrayals of youth have on kids? According to the American Psychological Association (APA), “The proliferation of sexualized images of girls and young women in advertising, merchandising, and media is harming girls’ self-image and healthy development.” They break down the negative effects into five categories:

1. Cognitive and Emotional Consequences – Self-objectification has been repeatedly shown to detract from the ability to concentrate and focus one’s attention, thus leading to impaired performance on mental activities such as mathematical computations or logical reasoning (Frederickson, Roberts, Noll, Quinn, & Twenge, 1998; Gapinski, Brownell, & LaFrance, 2003; Hebl, King, & Lin, 2004). In the emotional domain, sexualization and objectification undermine confidence in and comfort with one’s own body, leading to a host of negative emotional consequences, such as shame, anxiety, and even self-disgust.
2. Mental and Physical Health – Research links sexualization with three of the most common mental health problems of girls and women: eating disorders, low self-esteem, and depression or depressed mood (Abramson & Valene, 1991; Durkin & Paxton, 2002; Harrison, 2000; Hofschire & Greenberg, 2001; Mills, Polivy, Herman, & Tiggemann, 2002; Stice, Schupak-Neuberg, Shaw, & Stein, 1994;Thomsen,Weber, & Brown, 2002; Ward, 2004).
3. Sexuality – Sexual well-being is an important part of healthy development and overall well-being, yet evidence suggests that the sexualization of girls has negative consequences in terms of girls’ ability to develop healthy sexuality.
4. Attitudes and Beliefs – Girls and young women who more frequently consume or engage with mainstream media content offer stronger endorsement of sexual stereotypes that depict women as sexual objects (Ward, 2002;Ward & Rivadeneyra, 1999; Zurbriggen & Morgan, 2006).
5. Impact on Others and on Society – The sexualization of girls can also have a negative impact on other groups (i.e., boys, men, and adult women) and on society more broadly. Exposure to narrow ideals of female sexual attractiveness may make it difficult for some men to find an “acceptable” partner or to fully enjoy intimacy with a female partner (e.g., Schooler & Ward, 2006).

There you have it folks. Let’s continue to talk to young girls about their own views of female identity and media images. We can’t protect them from the negative messaging they receive everyday, but we can teach them to celebrate childhood.

-Vanessa

Sexually Charged Pop Culture Permeates an Ever-Younger Demographic – Part One

I’m willing to bet that the majority of our Girls Circle community has been saddened at some point by sexed-up portrayals of young girls – whether found in images of beauty pageants, “Bratz” dolls, or Miley Cyrus videos.  (Check out our post on Miley Cyrus’s Teen Choice Awards performance.)

It seems to be getting worse, but after watching this latest video, I have to wonder, how long can this go on?

Watch seven-year-old girls dance to Beyonce’s “Single Ladies” at the U.S. World of Dance competition:

I found this video on Huffington Post under the header, “Young Girls CRUSH Beyonce’s ‘Single Ladies'” and was… well, appalled. I read many of the comments to this video on Huffpost and while the majority are disturbed by it, many feel that we should all just “relax!” One commenter writes, “Oh come on people lighten up. If YOU think this is sexualizing young girls, then that’s on YOU, because for the little girls (and their parents) it is as innocent as ballet.”

I like that mindset. It’s nice to watch the dance through that lens. No shock, no concern, just celebrating the talent of five young girls who are obviously having a great time. A part of me wants to embrace that thinking.

There’s no question that if adult women performed this same dance in these same costumes it would be seen as very sexual. But people who would agree with the commenter above would say that it isn’t how we as adults view the dance that is important; it’s how the girls who are performing are affected by it. There could be debate on this alone – for example some worry about the actions of sexual predators – but for the sake of simplification, let’s assume this is true.

So do these young girls think this dance is “as innocent as ballet?” Or do they have a concept of the inherent sexuality in the clothing and movement? And if they could sense the provocative nature of it, what effect does that have on their sexual development, if any?

Give us your thoughts and check back on Thursday for Part Two of this discussion!

-Vanessa

DO YOUR POLICIES PROTECT YOUTH FROM CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE?

These past few weeks, a stream of news stories nationally and across Europe have revealed staggering numbers of child sexual abuse cases.  The damage that pedophiles and abusers cause in the lives of girls and boys is deep, lasting, and tremendously harming. What about the policies and practices of the institutions and organizations responsible for the youth?  How damaging can these be?

A current case against the Boy Scouts of America for keeping secret “perversion files” documenting sex abusers is an example of failed policies that have the effect of protecting the organization over the needs of youth.  Sadly, we’ve seen story after story in the Catholic Church and many institutions in which abuse and violations have been kept hidden from the law.  These secrecy policies have not only added to the devastation in the lives of the kids who’ve been abused, but also prevented agencies of effective screening of abusers and prevented or constrained the work of police and authorities to stop abusers from accessing more youth.

The following is a message on our website regarding how to protect youth from abuse:  http://www.boyscouncil.com/help.htm Whatever the setting in which you work, please be sure you know the policies and protections in place for youth and where there are concerns or gaps in these policies, please make a point to address the policies with your co-workers and administrators.

How do you protect youth from potential abuse?

We recommend that every organization, school, or community setting that provides Girls Circle or Boys Council groups follows standard safeguard practices to protect all children and youth from any type of abuse or crime. Protective measures are essential steps to any solid program’s successful implementation.

Agencies should require all adults, staff and volunteer, who work with children and teens to obtain fingerprint clearances, to receive child abuse prevention and response training, including how to recognize signs of possible abuse, responsibilities as mandated reporters, and procedures to report suspicion of child abuse.

In every setting, we recommend that children and youth are never alone and isolated with one adult. Ideally, two adults or young adults co-facilitate the groups, or, when there is not capacity for two facilitators, at least one other responsible adult is on site and available before, during, and after each session. In addition, the on-site adult should have permission to come and go freely, albeit respectfully, from the group room.

If your setting’s policy is unknown to you, or inadequate, contact your state’s child welfare department to request recommended guidelines for staff and volunteers. Children’s and teen’s rights and safety policies should be posted, spoken, distributed, and reviewed with children, parents, and all staff on site. Administrator contact information should be given to all participants and families to report any concerns or problems.

The CDC has a downloadable resource guide for developing prevention policies within youth serving organizations: http://www.cdc.gov/ncipc/dvp/PreventingChildSexualAbuse.pdf

Take Care!

~Beth

International Women’s Day – Recommended Reading & Viewing

Yesterday, March 8th was International Women’s Day, just as it has been every year since the early 1900s. It marks a global day of celebrating the economic, political and social achievements of women  past, present and future. March is also National Women’s History Month.

We at the Girls Circle Association regularly come across many wonderful organizations, events, books, articles and videos that celebrate the achievements of women and we thought this was a perfect opportunity to share some of our recent discoveries with you.

EVE ENSLER LECTURE ON TED.COM
Eve Ensler wrote the ground-breaking Vagina Monoluges, founded V-day, recently released her newest book, I Am an Emotional Creature, The Secret Lives of Girls Around The World and she also lectures around the globe.  Eve is a feminist hero and she recently gave a beautiful 20 minute talk at the Ted Conference on the “girl cells” in all of us. The lecture was titled, Embrace Your Inner Girl and we highly recommend it!

VIEW LECTURE VIDEO HERE: http://www.ted.com/talks/lang/eng/eve_ensler_embrace_your_inner_girl.html

MARIA SHRIVER ARTICLE ON WOMEN’S HISTORY MONTH
Maria Shriver, the First Lady of California wrote a wonderful article which can be read on Huffington Post called Celebrating History Can Inspire Us To Make It. The article is about National Women’s History Month which was started in California 32 years ago and about her work in this state and around the country towards women’s equality.  The overall theme of her article is “women, let’s keep on making history!”

READ HERE:  http://www.huffingtonpost.com/maria-shriver/celebrating-history-can-i_b_485753.html

NEW MOON GIRLS – EMPOWERING GIRLS PROJECT FOR WOMEN’S HISTORY MONTH
New Moon Girls is an online community and print magazine for teen and pre-teen girls. They have a new empowering girls’ project about women in history where girls are encouraged to submit their stories.

READ, PARTICIPATE AND SHARE HERE: http://www.newmoon.com/topic/?id=36

THREE CUPS OF TEA – A BOOK RECOMMENDATION
Kitty Tyrol, the Girls Circle Association Senior Training Manager sent a book recommendation to the rest of the GCA staff that I’d like to share with you.  The book is called Three Cups of Tea and it was written by Greg Mortenson & David Oliver Relin (2006).  Here is a synopsis from Kitty: “Greg falls off a mountain and lands in a village, Korphe, the people save his life.  He sees that the children have no school building and in particular, there is no schooling for girls.  He promises to return one day and build them a school – and so his life’s journey and purpose is defined.  He builds schools (mostly for girls) throughout the mountain regions in Pakistan and Afghanistan.”

Here is an excerpt: “Once you educate the boys, they tend to leave the villages and go search for work in the cities,’ Mortensen explains.  ‘but the girls stay home, become leaders in the community, and pass on what they’ve learned.  If you really want to change a culture, to empower women, improve basic hygiene and health care, and fight high rates of infant mortality, the answer is to educate girls.”  “if the girls can just get to a fifth-grade level, everything changes.” (p. 209)

READ MORE & BUY HERE:  http://www.threecupsoftea.com/

Those are some of our new favorite sites, videos, books, etc.  Please comment and share your new and old favorites with us as well.  Happy National Women’s History Month and Belated International Women’s Day.  My wish for us all today is to be bold, fearless and full of joy.

– Moorea Dickason, Training Coordinator for the Girls Circle Association.

Celebrating the Resiliency of Children of Alcoholics: Week of Feb 14th – 20th

Last year an eighth grade boy in Oregon told researchers that he felt he could trust the adults and kids in his Boys Council and it helped him find the courage to go home and tell his mom that he wasn’t going to drink beers with her anymore.

One out of every four children in the U.S. has a parent with a drinking problem, or alcoholism. Kids and family members of alcoholics often hurt but their suffering isn’t apparent. They suffer silently and usually with explicit or implied instructions not to tell. It’s a family secret, and a family shame.

Annie was one such family member.  She was a 15 year old sophomore referred to a high school Girls Circle by a dean who noticed that she seemed burdened, but didn’t know why. One day after group she stayed behind until the others cleared out.  She asked if she could talk with me, and we scheduled a time.   Slowly she revealed her daily life to me, and in doing so, seemed to be as torn and distressed in telling as she was desperate and seeking for answers.

Annie left home every morning while her single mother was still asleep, usually checking  to see if she was breathing. By then she’d made her breakfast, packed lunch, taken something from the freezer to thaw for dinner, fed the cat, folded laundry, straightened up. Each day after school, she wanted to hang out with friends, but feared for her mother’s afternoon condition, so she’d get home instead.  “I could NEVER have my friends over to my house!” she stressed, with deep embarrassment all over her face.  “When I get home, the curtains are drawn, it’s all dark inside, and my mom is on the couch with the t.v. on. She might be asleep or anyway, she’s been drinking since she woke up. She would never eat if I didn’t bring her food, and she doesn’t do anything.  I don’t know if I’m relieved she’s alive and hasn’t burned the house down, or if I’m more upset because every day is so bad. If my mom knew I was speaking to you, I couldn’t deal with it.”

Annie was so brave to talk with me.  It took tremendous courage for her to come forward and ask for support. Thankfully, we were able to continue meeting for the semester, gradually working together to increase her resources, such as Ala-Teen for children of alcoholics, and to talk about how her mother’s illness is not her fault, nor does it reflect on her own value and love-ability as a young women. We spoke with CPS together to discuss the neglect and, of more concern to Annie, her mother’s safety. It took Annie a while before she wanted to share the situation in the circle, even though I knew she’d be accepted and not judged by the other girls.  When she did briefly talk about it, there was real kindness, prompting another girl to talk about her older brother’s addiction.  When we concluded our work, Annie had not been removed from her home. Her mother was undergoing assessment for treatment. I don’t know what the end result was, but I know that Annie had acted with courage to seek support and express herself – huge resiliency factors that increased her connection and reduced her isolation and internal stress level.

Alcoholism really sucks. Alcohol is the number one most abused drug in our country, and that impact has deep and profound influence on kids’ development. Children of alcoholics are at increased risk of developing substance abuse problems themselves, mental health problems, and physical illnesses. They can develop skewed relationship patterns as emotional caretakers who don’t stand up for their own needs and boundaries at risk of loss of relationship. Neglect, emotional abandonment, lack of structure and unpredictability, broken promises, secrets, chronic anxiety, shame, humiliation, poor communication skills, boundary violations… all these experiences influence children and teens’ development.  Kids tend to assume responsibility prematurely, to protect their alcoholic parents while relying on their own undeveloped minds and bodies for strategies and coping. Claudia Black, author of It Will Never Happen To Me and several other recovery books, emphasizes the rules that these kids suffer under: Don’t Talk (about it); Don’t Trust (anyone); and Don’t Feel (the pain). It was clear to me that Annie was in a real relational bind, having to break a family secrecy rule in order to find help. Yet, without seeking help, she knew that both she and her mother were at risk of even more harm.

Girls Circle, The Council for Boys and Young Men, and other youth groups are safe places for kids to find healthy voices, break isolation, and find strength.  Annie did, and so did the eighth grader in Oregon.

Let’s keep listening as much as we can to kids, and trust their capacity for resilience while also offering some important information and resources –

• they are not at fault or responsible for their parents drinking
• they are not alone- literally millions of kids every day are in this same situation
• help is available to them

For a fact sheet about Children of Alcoholics, and other resources, see:

Click to access ms939.pdf

The National Association for Children of Alcoholics can offer further resources and support, call 1-888-55-COAS or go to: http://www.nacoa.org

Thanks! Stay well! And contrary to the old broken alcoholic rules, do let yourself and the kids in your circles to talk to others, trust your inner voice, and allow emotional pain to guide you toward healing whenever you need to.

~Beth

When Love Isn’t Love – Teen Dating Violence Awareness and Prevention Month

February – the month of Valentine’s, sweet tarts, little hearts, chocolates, flowers and romance – has a shadow side – Teen Dating Violence (TDV).

Sad but true, teen dating violence is common in February and around the year. Both girls and boys are engaged in acts of physical, emotional, verbal, and sexual violation in heterosexual and same sex relationships. A National Institute of Justice report at http://tinyurl.com/ycw572m shares statistics (from the Youth Risk Behavior Survey 2007 and the National Longitudinal Study of Adolescent Health): 1 out of 10 youth report being victims of physical violence in romantic relationships, and 2-3 out of 10 youth report being victims of psychological abuse.

Results of a State of Carolina survey found that while the rates were similar in girls and boys who report acting aggressively, the rates of female victimization for severe injury were much higher.

The Federal government has named February as Teen Dating Violence Awareness and Prevention Month.

We need to promote girls and boys’ awareness of the types of behaviors that are “over the line” as well as encourage the development of the skills they need to set healthy boundaries, communicate feelings and wants, address conflicts, and tolerate the full range of emotions that come along with dating and romantic feelings.

Raise this issue with girls and guys in your groups.  Ask them to define TDV and what they see going on amongst their peers, siblings, and in their own relationships. Explore the issues with them of how they learn these behaviors and what their beliefs are related to power and control, gender roles, and also, what family and society tell them to do.

One key prevention is to develop a DATING SAFETY PLAN with the girls and with the boys.  The Alabama Coalition Against Domestic Violence, http://www.acadv.org/dating.html#safety has information on components of a good plan, plus a Dating Bill of Rights.

In our Girls Circle Facilitator Activity Guide, Paths to the Future, Weeks 4 & 5 provide attention to girls’ empowerment, awareness, and safety around teen dating violence: Being the Queen of Your Own Body, and Dating Violence / Abusive Relationships.  These sessions are rich with exploration, decision making and communication skills building, and recognition of red flags.

In our Council Facilitator Activity Guide, Living a Legacy, Week 6, Healthy Relationships, invites boys to explore the meaning of healthy relationships and begins to breakdown roles and expectations, pressures, and communication skill building. Throughout each Council week, there are questions related to healthy masculinity and gender roles that challenge the need for boys to always feel control over their partners while providing boys more skills and awareness of emotions and communication skills.

As you work to raise awareness and prevent relationship harm, we extend to you our greatest appreciation and recognition.

This February, have a Happy Valentine’s Month of relationship well being.

~Beth

On Haiti, and No Name Calling Week Jan 25-29

First and foremost, our hearts and prayers are going out to the people of Haiti, and to their loved ones all around the globe.  The devastating earthquake in Haiti on January 12, the loss of life, injuries, and displacement of millions of families is such an enormous crisis! Where and how do we make a difference? You are no doubt receiving requests for contributions from many relief organizations.  The Tides Foundation partners with established relief groups and you can donate any amount by clicking this link: http://www.tidesfoundation.org/haiti-earthquake/index.html

This tragedy has inspired an enormous outpouring of compassion, giving, and outreach from people all over the world. It has revealed the dire poverty in Haiti.The inadequate collapsed buildings reflect decades of inadequate global and corporate economic policies that have stripped the country of its resources and crippled Haitians’ capacities for a sustainable economy.  And poverty always affects women and children most of all.

Three of Haiti’s women leaders were killed in the earthquake.  These women, Myriam Merlet  and Anne Marie Coriolan of the Ministry on Gender the Rights of Women,  and Magalie Marcelin who established an organization to address domestic violence, were loved and respected by many, and used their voices and education in the service of women’s rights. In a country where three out of four girls are sexually abused, Ms. Merlet worked with Eve Ensler and V-Day to open  Haiti’s first V-Day Safe House among other major steps toward racial and gender justice. We honor these leaders and send our respects to their families and friends. For more info, see: http://tinyurl.com/ykkoauo

But one scene I may never forget is the teen girl pulled out alive from beneath a structure many days after the earthquake.  Her brother and others dug her out with hands and basic objects.  As she was pulled free, she was asked, “Were you afraid?”  and she replied, “No, I was never afraid. Don’t be afraid to die! Don’t be afraid!” This teen girl who had just suffered an incomprehensible trauma inspired others with a message of fearlessness and hope.  I love that girl!

This week while we hold Haiti’s needs and strengths in our hearts and minds, we will also be observing No Name Calling Week!  This campaign, developed by GLSEN – the Gay Lesbian Straight Education Network – refers to the consequences of name calling,  that names actually do hurt and that with education and understanding, kids and adults can end that hurt for their friends, classmates, group members, and family members. A fully developed high school lesson plan and other resources can be accessed and you can get more info at: http://www.nonamecallingweek.org/cgi-bin/iowa/home.html

In Girls Circle and in The Council for Boys and Young Men, we address stereotyping and name calling and promote group members’ awareness, empathy, and alliance building. It’s actually both a proactive skill that facilitators can engender in the groups and a natural outcome of caring relationships.  When people listen to each other, and get past barriers to express themselves with greater authenticity, dissing becomes unnecessary.

Take care of yourselves this week!  Your light, your heart, your smile and your caring is what makes everything better in this world.

~Beth